Motivational Poster

Motivational Poster


Sunday, May 30, 2010

Canberra - A Most (Un)Livable City

Published: ACT Chief Minister's Dept. May 27, 2010
Section: Jon Stanhope, MLA | Media Releases
The results of a new survey just released have proven what most Canberrans already know; we live in one of the world's most liveable cities, says ACT Chief Minister Jon Stanhope.
The Mercer Worldwide Quality of Living Survey ranked Canberra 26th globally, the fourth highest ranked Australian city behind Sydney (10th) and Melbourne (18th) and Perth (21st)."

Canberra is NOT one of the most livable cities in the world.

Canberra is a bogan-filled country town with all the shit that comes from living in country towns and none of the benefits of city-living.

Just like moving from the city to a country town:

- you're living with bogans
- everyone drives with their lights on during the day
- the shops close early
- on Sunday the whole city is shut
- there's only a small range of goods and services available
- what's available is shit
- it takes ages to get served
- there aren't enough people around to help
- there aren't any late night pharmacies for when the kids get sick
- there's nothing to do
- the TV is full of ads about sheds, sheep and what gets farmers excited
- the locals are classless and tasteless
- there's a general inclination to revert back to very low standards

Just like moving from the country to the city:

- you pay stock-broker prices for basic necessities
- you can't believe the cost of living
- rent as high as Inner East and North Sydney
- restaurants charge 5 star prices for 2 star food/service
- people are pretty unfriendly
- everyone tail-gates (there's even local government warnings telling locals to stop it)

Everything costs more in Canberra

- car rego is higher
- petrol is higher
- childcare is higher
- GP visits

Canberra is a country town in a desert:

Canberra is the driest, hotest and coldest city in the country. It never rains. Every day is the same as yesterday, blue skys, no clouds, no wind, rain just boring bright empty blue skies - just like a desert. The ACT has the same climate as central Mexico.

Canberra is infested with the ugliest tree on earth:

Gum trees are not beautiful, they are ugly. Gum trees are grey/white skeletons that make you thirsty just looking at them. They represent the emasciation that comes after death. Gum trees kill all flora on the ground around them and turn the earth to dust. Canberra is covered in gum trees. Non-green, lifeless kindling covers the rock and dust ocean to reflect the hopelessness of those stuck in Canberra.

Canberra's "nature reserves" are also ugly, dry, emaciated, desiccated moors covered in dead or dying flora, rocks, dust and dirt. Canberra sits on an enormous gum tree farm. There is no indigenous grass in Canberra. What grass there is, if any, is flown in from New Zealand and stuck on top of the rocks and dirt during the night, when no-one is looking.

Canberra is a country town:

Like a country town, everyone dresses like farmers and bogans dress like farm hands. And when they go out shopping, for dinner or any of the three things you can do in Canberra, they dress up in twenty year old fashion or if they can afford it, an outfit carefully chosen from fashion houses such as Target and K-mart.

Like a country town, when you go to look at cars on the weekend, you will find all car sales shut on Sunday. You will find any remaining shops shut at 4pm on Sunday. Not that you'd want to buy anything in Canberra.

Unlike a city, you will pay more than double for your annual car registration - which funds the cheap-arsed country roads that link stupidly far away suburbs with specially designed tail-gating lanes (one lane, all the way).

Canberra has big city qualities:

Retail prices in Canberra are on par with Sydney and Melbourne, except you will find the range significantly smaller, the quality less, the after-sales service negligible, if you can even find what you're looking for. You will usually have to settle for whatever they have available, which is almost always floor stock at the same price as in the box.

Like a big city, you will pay Sydney CBD restaurant prices for poor quality breakfast, lunch and dinner. Having been served something microwaved from frozen, served by a dead-eyed student and just as tasteless, that you would expect to eat in a pub in Moe, you will leave the restaurant starving, regretting having ordered the meat main and puzzling over why you were billed by Lygon Street.

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